At night, (well even on the wee hours in the morning) when Atreyu and I go to bed, we have our rituals, we read a book, we have our silly kwentuhan where he always asks me "Mommy, anong ginawa mo sa work? Nagdesign ka? Anong dinesign mo? Nagkapera ka na ba sa work bibilhan mo na ba ako ng toys?" stuffs like that, then I ask him back how was his day in school, what did he do and he always answer "Mommy, natulog ako sa school!" haha.
Sometimes we watch TV all night long 'til the last show on the network signs off, he doesn't like hearing the national anthem he gets jittery because he knows in a few second he'll be hearing the noise from the TV when it's off air. He gets panicky (thanks to Marco, my youngest bro, who's conjured a 'scary story' out of those TV static and made Atreyu believe that is scary) then we turn the TV off and say our good nights.
But before he doze-off even if he's too sleepy he says the sweetest prayer same prayer every night over and over again.
"The son the Holy Spirit Amen. Jesus thank sa mga toys ko, sa mga gamit ko, sa mga groceries na binili namin. Jesus sana po makapunta na ang Mommy ko sa New York para mabilhan na nya ako ng psp."
Then he dozes-off, "Good night, Mommy, I love you, too, Promise?" then we do our secret handshake he invented years ago.
Writing this makes me want to cry... tears of joy ha... naalala ko ang hardtimes namin together with him holding one of his favorite toys and the cheapest one I bought him sa bangketa I got him his P20-Coke Truck, we walk instead of riding the jeep because I will be short for the rest of the week if I spent more for the day, I can't believe we survived everything and it makes me want to go down to my knees for humbling me with your purest love and purest heart. you make me feel I'm not a bad mother after all... and I raised you to find the simple joys in your life.
Sometimes I get to go home too late from work Atreyu crashes by my parent's bedside, hindi ko na siya masundo dun because I don't want to wake them up and I might even get one of those mood swing lectures I always try to avoid... so I let him sleep without me on his side sometimes.
Early morning today, my mom was so touched and amazed, as I overhear her tell my sister, that even at Atreyu's young age he manages to think of other people other than himself, my mom says... She heard Atreyu say his lines "Sana makapunta ang Mommy ko sa New York". I thought Atreyu was just 'nagpapabibo' when he says that line when he sleeps by my side, apparently, that's the prayer he really prays every single night with or without me by my side.
May be if the time comes that God might get sick and tired of hearing my prayers, i am somehow relieved and humbled to know that someone will always be praying for me. And at his innocence early on, my ambitious dreams mattered to him early on.
It's one thing to say my prayer for myself every night... to talk to God about my heart's desires and heartaches... but to hear other people pray for you has moved me into tears. I'm not worthy of all these kindness. I'm overwhelmed and humbled.