Thursday, September 10, 2009

47th Japan Fashion Design Contest Sponsors Please!!

I couldn't be more thankful with the much blessings that came to me last month. I am so happy that Project Runway Philippines Season 2 has good feedback on the Philippine viewers... As I am just this eclectic girl trying to pursue the only thing she knows to do... I am merely starstruck I'm happy with all the perks we get to have and have the feeling of a 'celebrity' even just for a while. But aside from the grand launch of PRP2, blessing comes in pairs I suppose, during the hype of our launch, I was informed by the Siti (the organizer from the Japan Fashion Design Contest) that out of 2534 applicants all over the world I was chosen to be one of the 72 finalist to actualize and participate in that 47th Japan Fashion Design Contest in Meguro, Japan.

Among the 72 finalist all over the world, it's such a Pinoy Pride to be one of the three Filipinos to compete in this contest... Veejay Floresca and Nicole Moriare the two other noteworthy Philippine representatives. Hooray for us! Please pray for our success in Japan!

I really believe in The Alchemist's famous line: "When a person really desires something the universe conspires to help him fulfill his dreams."I'm just grateful for the opportunities that comes along... When I left the Runway, I openly accepted it was my time to go and my I served my right purpose already. I learned a lot and met great people. I never doubted God's great plans for me ahead. And yes... here it is... I'm one step closer to Japan. Even if I'm an epitome of a Harajuku Girl, I never expected I'll be planing my trip to Tokyo in months time. It's amazing to know and be reminded that the best gifts and blessing comes unexpectedly. (just like Atreyu)

I really love my concept since I am a true-blue POP ART MANIAC . The theme that I chose was the 1960's... and being that Andy Warhol is one of my Patron Saint in principles and aesthetics... I took inspiration with how he used the pop culture in his art... that's why I adapted his technique and translated it into Pinoy's Pop Culture and Iconizing a Filipina Veteran Actress, Gloria Romero. This piece is entitled as "Pinoy Pop Artista"

Now, I've spent a whole month already trying to raise funds... the cost of living in Japan is so pricey and a week stay is dreadfully expensive. Of course the airfare too... I haven't started my contest piece yet since my funds isn't enough yet... I'd be spending 20k on fabric printing alone since I'll be commissioning a painter (Romir Sucaldito) to replicate my graphic design into the fabric I'll be using for my contest piece and I'll try to see if digital printing on canvas would also be visual enough. I really have to invest on my fabric since my piece is just a simple sheath dress. Upto this day, I'm still surprised to find out that out of three designs I passed, the simplest among my entries was the one chosen.

I'm kinda in a time crunch now, I've spent my whole month looking and asking for sponsorships. I was a little bit disappointed with how the National Comission on Culture and the Arts (NCCA) disparged a person bringin honor to our country... They passed me around to diffrent departments and different people for a whole month only to find out in the end that they don't accept any "budget requests" for 2009. They could have easily told me that from the start and moreover, shouldn't they be the first and formost institution handling these matters? If it weren't for struggling artists like us there wouldn't be an NCCA, right?

I had high hopes on the Senators hoping that they could shed a little... kahit man lang sana P500... ok na yun. It's not the amount that matters, it's the idea that they support Filipino talents. But sad to say, I had the worst accommodation withSen.Bong Revilla'sassistant named Lynlynwho blatanly told me... after three weeks in waiting for processing... "Ay walang pong pondo si Senador dyan sa mga ganyan, at huwag na rin po kayong umasa." It's just so sad, only if Sen.Bong Revilla could've seen my design and how I'm promoting the Philippine Arts and Entertainment industry where he came from. May be he could've shed a little amount.

Nonetheless, every door that shuts me off, I try to look for five other windows. I'm so grateful for my former client, Mrs. Marie Antoinette Quisumbing, owner of Timehouse Philippines (S.T.A.M.P.S.) for helping me out and donating a helpful amount. So far, out of the 20 possible sponsors, she has been a gem.

I've been waiting for three other major sponsors that would aid me in my Japan contest. I've been also looking for writers in newsprint/magazines/etc who could possibly help me in spreading my shout out for help. Please pray for me and join into my positive thinking that a month from now I'll be really be 100% surely be flying to Tokyo with my garment at hand. I hope and pray a generous person could read this too and donate any amount. I'd really appreciate any form of help

It's a great joy and honor that I didn't expect I would be getting... I'm the only Filipina representing our country in this contest. GIRL POWER! YAY!What a great honor. Who would have thought there came to a point in my life that I was ready to shut my doors to this industry and just deal with my responsibilities as a single parent... Sometimes when people grow up, people outgrow their dreams... But I'm glad I didn't... I still have my heart's desire. It wasn't an easy path for me but I guess my son's prayer is the loudest shout out in the heavens above that He never failed to miss us that He never let me stop even when it was so darn tough. Whatever happens, I am thankful and I already feel like a winner. I've always aspired to be someone who could inspire other people, I hope with this opportunity I could inspire more people, especially those young single moms out there to never lose your will to aspire.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

I love Kenley Collins

Ever since the first season of Project Runway, I always try to look for someone whom I could relate to in terms of personality and aesthetics. It took me watching five seasons to find the right designer I could see myself into. I really love Kenley. Despite the 'villainous' character she was depicted to be... I felt her passion and pain when her designs are scrutinized... It's not always easy being unique... Either you always become the oddman out or even worse... you're gonna be accussed of "trying hard to be different".

I see her as an old soul... having much passion with vintage fashion. I really admire and appreciate her prints and her tasteful color palettes... Kenley Collins is one of the best and most promosing female fashion designer in our generation.

I tried applying for an intership with Kenley. Unfortunately of course being miles away, I forfeited my chance.

Here's few of the email excerpts we had few months back:

From: Kenley Collins
To:Tracy Dizon
Sent: Friday, June 12, 2009 3:50:17 AM
Subject: internship

What kind of education have you completed? Do you live in New York?


On Fri, Jun 12, 2009 at 3:27 AM, Tracy Dizon wrote:

Hi Kenley! Thanks for replying to my email... I studied Clothing Technology in the state University here in the Philippines. I am here in the Philippines but I have a pending US greencard...
I really look upto your designs and style kenley, I hope I could work for you even as your assistant... your fabric filer... or anything you might need of help with... I really appreciate your vision!
I have a website if you might want to see... I currently work as a stylist and I do fashion design orders on the side... I also fashion illustrate whatever there's money to feed me I get. hehe.

Tracy Dizon

From: Kenley Collins
To: Tracy Dizon
Sent: Saturday, June 13, 2009 5:51:52 AM
Subject: Re: internship

Thanks for replying, I actually have the interview process next week with girls who currently live here. Good luck with your design career.


If only I'm already in New York I could have nailed that chance! I'll still love Kenley and once I set my foot on the streets of New York, I'm going straight to Betsey Johnson then next to Kenley Collins! Go quirky gorgeous girls! Girl power!!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Un-Suicide Note: The Confessions of a Drama-Mama

As I may always have my usual rants and out-burst of frustrations every-now-and-then. I haven't really vent on the real score with my mind conflicts and my usual dramas. I'm such a biploar and I'm not-so-proud to be. But hello... it's so friggin obvious. I write when I'm extremely happy, extremely baffled, extreme angry and extremely sad. I have all the extremes that makes up my personal-protection... my spikes.

Anws, I just want to write my heart, this time.

Being a single-mom was by far most the turning point in my life. I wouldn't be who I am right now if it weren't for the life changing lessons I learned during the steep road to motherhood.The life I am living for the past years, it's no longer mine.

This is such and understatement.

It has been five years since I portrayed this role of being a single parent, a young mom vis-a-vis continuing student and doing side jobs here and there. It wasn't very long ago, I could still remember my struggles going to school with my 1-year-old son. I was carrying him in a baby carrier, I bring him along during my 7am class up until my 5pm class in school, and I was breastfeeding inside the classroom. This must be so surreal but everything is true.

I remember waking up so early in the morning and my heart bleeds with the torturing thought that my 1-year-old son is forced to waking up so early. No child deserves to wake up so early and experience the rough world of college life. I am such a bad mother. But I cannot do anything about it. That's a sucky feeling, I cannot do anything more about it.

For the longest time, and up until now, I feel like I don't belong anywhere, I feel I am socially banished and I cannot easily make friends. I have too much things to think about that I cannot sit and stay for a while for small talks, my head is constantly worrying about things like "How many diapers are there left for this week", "What school project can I start on so I won't worry about it anymore", "Will it rain tomorrow, because I need to do our laundries.", "Where will I get money for my son's vaccine shots and groceries?". I was always on my toes...

At this point, there was no room for reflections and loneliness. I was extremely busy to even stop and think about anything. I was always on the go.

Looking back now, I can't believe survived five years living like this. I have pasted in my forehead that "I am no longer allowed to have fun." So I didn't. I treated everything as business and everything has empirical equivalence. It was actually all mechanical, honestly, it's a stone-cold and fool-proof shield. I did good empirically, grades-wise, money-wise, career-wise...

I remember an old acquaintance used to be so-attached to me waiting for me and merely wanting to have lunch with me at school, I could not even honor. I jaded myself into believing that I cannot and would not handle any friendships nor any emotional investing situation. Since my concept of college friends shattered when I got pregnant.

Not only friends... I was literally taken a far back-seat when I chose this path. I lost my school, I lost my friends, I lost my lavish lifestyle, I lost my family, I lost my home, I lost myself. I surrendered, humbled myself and decided to be a mother. And it was such a painful thing to bare, especially being pregnant already then the father-of-my-son won't even talk to me and even loathe my existence.

"I gave up literally EVERYTHING for this family. I don't deserve to be just a doormat"

When he started physically hurting me, I know it won't work out anymore. So I entered myself into a disgruntling charitable institution. I entered a home for unwed mothers.

Up until now, even if I have literally, self-taught myself to be a mother, from giving birth, bathing an infant, doing house chores I didn't have to in my past lifestyle, I must be honest to say that I find it so hard to forgive myself for letting me be in that place.

"Taga-UP ako, edukada and hindi baldado. Bakit ako nandito?"

It was by far most the most humbling and self-humiliating part of my life. I locked up myself in a place where rape-victims, immoral pregnancies of elicit affairs were in-hiding, spoiled teenage who got pregnant at a tender of 15 were being punished... I should not be here!

Naalala ko yung isang girl dun sa home, bilang siya ay kanto-girl na katulong at saksakan ng pagiging palaaway, naalala ko sinabi tungkol sa akin: "Taga-UP ba yan? Eh bakit nandito yan?"

I still could not forgive myself for being trampled upon the lowest of all the lowest people. I am not judgmental but these people gave me a reason to think that they cannot earn the respect I easily give-off to people in general.

But nonetheless, I raised up to the occasion, I gave birth, went through it all. I survived. After all the bullshit I went-through... I am a better mother and mind you, not all mothers cannot do what I did. That is a proud badge I will wear upto my grave.

As these were all part of my painful past that I find so hard to forgive, I now look back now, I cannot believe what I have been through. Buti hindi ako nabaliw. I was placed in so much rejection and un-acceptance but I still kept on going.

It's one thing to just keep on doing it, because it's easy to do, but HELL, it's a whole new league to JUST KEEP ON DOING IT EVEN IF THE WHOLE WORLD IS NOT ON YOUR SIDE.

I'm doing this because I believe if there is one thing I could do good I am the BEST MOTHER my son could have. You don't get to choose your parents, I have that in mind, so might as well be the best damn-parent to my son. I could have easily took easy way out. But this is a choice that has defined my lifetime. I chose to be your mother, Atreyu... I would do it again in a heartbeat even if it kills me.

Now that I am a far different-girl from that five-year-boot camp process, I started to regain my heart again. I literally, killed some part of myself with the process, and I am just starting to regain myself inside.

I gave up so much, just to be a mother. This is time, now that I am, I want to regain whom I was before this.

A dear friend told me recently, "May be you lost yourself along the way." That is an understatement. I just want to live my life not out of NEED but by WANT. I missed out so much, I gave up my youth along the way.

I am not regretting being a mother. There may be side bumps here and there, but I am trying to forgive myself.

I miss my old self but I know I am still that person.

Despite me, being the real-WONDERWOMAN... I have lost faith on who I am. May be because I was stripped-off everything for a time I don't know.

These are all mere babbling, I don't see my end conclusion. All I just want to write is how my heart bleeds for the pain and the unpain I killed how brave and generous of me to bare all the sacrifices I made. I am still alive, there's no reason to kill some parts of me. Of all people, I deserve to be happy because early on in life I have given away so much and felt pain so much... This time, I am ready to fill my heart with love and happiness again and regain who I am and embrace who I will be.

But above all things. I fucking ROCK as a mother, I AM THE BEST.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Office Girl Fashown!

Thanks to the recent cold weather, nakaka-todo ako sa pagporma sa pagpasok sa office. hehe. channeling different persona's each day. haha. schizophrenic? haha

Channeling MTV's Daria daw sabi ng officemate ko.
I just didn't have anything to wear anymore actually.
(Black Tank top over Vintage Floral Dress + Salmon Pink Cardigan + Black Tights
+ Agryle Print Socks + Black DM Boots + Bag by Marc Jacobs - - o chuchal!!)
This is me as a harajuku-meets-highschool-girl.
 (Artworks graphic tee + Black Cardigan + Plaid Mini Skirt + Red Winter Tights)

Hehe. More on the next coming weeks. I love this weather!! Kahit ang hirap maligo sa umaga! Brrrrrrr. Feeling New Yorker/nasa-Tokyo kuno naman ako noh? Hehe.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Tracy's 27 Wishes!

got the best gifts ever! Kahit na this seemingly could be the worst birthday dahil sa 27 taon kong nabuhay, ngayon lang bumagyo sa aking birthday. I had 27 wishes... actually hindi ko nga nakumpleto lahat eh, pero for documentation purposes ipopost ko dito lahat.

(shet mamamatay na ako sa antok kasalanan talaga ito ng micro blogging at status posting sa facebook hirap magsulat ng totoong blog... to be continued na lang po mamaya nanakaw muna ako ng tulog taas na ng araw dito sa katips)

>> Nobyembre 2, 2009... Continuation...

Tracy's 27 Wishes

1. To be a punkska singer again
2. watch 500 days of summer
3. Pink Lilium Flowers
4. tria markers (available only in fully booked greenbelt, rockwell and the fort) P150 pesos each, baka trip nyo akong bigyan.
5.gawan ako ng tula ng mga prens na manunula. haha
6.mag-videoke... kung di rin naman magiging punkska singer muli!
7.sana ibigay na lang yung brother sewing machine na hightech sa aming lahat. go trick or treating with Atreyu
9.The Beatles Box Set hehehe
10.My Stolen Monalisa Bag by Andy Warhol
11. a mural in my apartment
12.biglang magically luminis ang apartment ko hahaha
13.fRuits Magzine I wasn't able to buy when I was in Tokyo!! huhu
14. matapos ang Miss Earth entries ko na hindi nangangarag because it's my birthday hahaa
15.colored xerox machine san ka pa
16.Postcard Bday greeting from all over the world
17.magkaroon ng dahilan upang bumalik ng Tokyo
18.walang tatanggi sa bday ko. WALA.
19.surprise bday partey hahaha
20. true lab or the likes of it.
21.companion and friend na.... POGI! hahaha
22.madaming "books"... hehe.

Hindi ko na napost sa facebook ang huling limang hiling ko sa birthday ko. Pero ilagay ko na rin dito kahit tapos na ang birthday ko.

23. Philippine Fashion Week sa Mayo 2010
24. Bonding time with my brothers and sisters, I miss them very much.
25. My Japanese friends visit me here in the Philippines or I visit them again
26. An artwork from my friends, that would be a great gift
27. to be remembered on my birthday

Natuwa ako pagbukas ko ng facebook nung hapon na nung birthday ko, nagulat akong merong 100 wallpost messages na bumabati sa birthday ko. nakakatuwa hindi ko akalain na may makakaalala sa akin ng ganun. Niloloko ko si Olive sabi ko, "kasi celebrity na ako" haha. Kahit mababaw man, masarap pa rin maalala... kahit na meron sanang isang tao na masarap makitang magpost ng happy birthday sa wall ko kaso di na pwede. Matuwa na lang tayo sa lahat ng nakaalala.

What made me smile and melted my heart was Paul's Poem. Xempre. Alam kong galing sa puso yun at ineffort talaga. Naiyak ako. Tears of joy xempre. Ramdam na ramdam ko how proud Paul of who I have become. And I'm glad, he loves me platonically and constantly. Aint that great? To be unforgotten and valued. Thanks, Paul.

Then as I open my inbox, my heart melted more by Shinya's short message, I know how hard it is for him to speak in English kaya mas nakakatouch.... He left me a short message but it moved me so much. The message said:

"Happy birthday! Your smile made us very happy. So you should go back to Japan. haha."
- Shinya, Yuhei, Kazu

I never thought my smile would make anyone happy. With my Japanese boys, I felt special effortlessly. I didn't have to act 'cool', talk smart or try to be poised. They just like me with my clumsy giggles, funny remarks and my innate sensibilities and aesthetics.

The surprise I never expected was seeing Olive again, kala ko di na ako makakanood ng 500 Days of Summer. I love that movie I swear!! I felt like Summer right from the start... and I remember someone to be my "Tom". Then it made me realize why I liked him... It's bittersweet but it made me realize the things we go through dealing with relationships.

This bday has been different. I felt I'm dealing with my older self. Different, it's great.