|My most favorite Haruki Murakami Book. |
I never cried as much tears reading another book.
Apparently, I think I've set my fix on reading Murakami Novel just to get my mind off my holiday heartbreak... If I should call it "heartbreak" even. I think I broke my records for reading books, and read three Murakami books in a span of 2 weeks. It really does take me forever to read books, I even get bored with them, I don't finish them anymore. But Murakami helped me get-over some stupid mind-fuck I was dealing with. Haha. Thanks to you, Mr.Author.
I mentioned in my past blog entry I am so gonna look for Norwegian Wood even if I had to scour all the ends of Metro Manila. And yeah I did... It was even the last copy and I had to go to Eastwood just to get my reserved copy. Well, it was worth it. I think I never leave home with it... I never get to read it nowadays since I am so addicted to my BB. But I feel so close to my copy of this novel haha... I never wanna be away from it! Haha. Silly me.
I remember I was reading this during the Valentine's Season. It got me all sad really. I was particularly struck by this girl character, Midori Kobayashi... She's not even the muse of this novel, but I really noticed her. Just from the first time she was introduced in the succeeding chapters of the novel... Her persona seemed so familiar to me. Haha. May be because she reminds me of myself. Her friendly and warm character filled with optimism gives this super sad novel the spunk and the sunshine through it all. Haha. Independent girls rock!
It's sad but true though, happy, cheerful people as happy as they are usually has the biggest heartaches and problems anyone can handle. They're often taken for granted... Often overlooked and forgotten. In as much that they have the biggest heart to love, they are, more often than not, being chosen over the "Damsel in Distress" kind of girls.
I cried to my sleep reading some lines from the novel. I think it really struck a soft spot for me, to feel as vulnerable and as neglected as Midori. But despite being overlooked, taken for granted and being chosen over that troubled girl Naoko... She has still the biggest heart and seem to have a promising future over this novel.
It got a little weird towards the ending of the story... Some stuff I really find off. But, it was nice towards the end, the last page to be exact, Toru realized Midori is the one for her. But of course being a Murakami Novel, it wouldn't have a happy-sunshine ending entirely.
As I am such an enthusiast of novels, films, history and anything that entails life-stories. I have never encountered such character so similar to myself. It is like seeing myself in a book. How Midori was neglected by her family, how she earned the things she wanted in her life, how she wants to be loved without sharing with another girl, how she's curious with how often guys wank. Haha. It's so funny... even those little things we're so alike!
Thanks to Midori, I had a glimpse... a bird's eye view of how I seem. It somehow opened my eyes how special I am to have all that love, more than my heart can handle. Not everyone is gifted with the ability to love so passionately, and I'm glad I can. With having so little love growing up, I never realized I have thought myself to give out so much.
And of course, for posterity's sake and because I love Midori so much... I'll toss in some of my most favorite excerpts from Norwegian Wood... of course with Midori's most moving lines....
Midori Kobayashi's sad letter to Toru Watanabe that made me cry to sleep...
We walked to the subway station and went off in different directions. As she left, Midori stuffed the piece of paper, now folded in four, into my pocket. "Read this when you get home," she said. I read it on the train.
I'm writing this letter to you while you're off buying drinks. This is the first time in my life I've ever written a letter to somebody sitting next to me on a bench, but I feel it's the only way I can get through to you. I mean, you're hardly listening to anything I say. Am I right?
Do you realize you did something terrible to me today? You never even noticed that my hairstyle had changed, did you? I've been working on it forever, trying to grow it out, and finally, at the end of last week, I managed to get it into a style you could actually call girlish, but you never even noticed. It was looking pretty good, so I thought I'd give you a little shock when you saw me for the first time after so long, but it didn't even register with you. Don't you think that's awful? I bet you can't even remember what I was wearing today. Hey, I'm a girl! So what if you've got something on your mind? You can spare me one decent look! All you had to say was "Cute hair", and I would have been able to forgive you for being sunk in a million thoughts, but no! Which is why I'm going to tell you a lie. It's not true that I have to meet my sister at the Ginza. I was planning to spend the night at your place. I even brought my pyjamas with me. It's true. I've got my pyjamas and a toothbrush in my bag. I'm such an idiot! I mean, you never even invited me over to see your new place. Oh well, what the hell, you obviously want to be alone, so I'll leave you alone. Go ahead and think away to your heart's content! But don't get me wrong. I'm not totally mad at you. I'm just sad. You were so nice to me when I was having my problems, but now that you're having yours, it seems there's not a thing I can do for you. You're all locked up in that little world of yours, and when I try knocking on the door, you just sort of look up for a second and go right back inside.So now I see you coming back with our drinks - walking and thinking. I was hoping you'd trip, but you didn't. Now you're sitting next to me drinking your Coke. I was holding out one last hope that you'd notice and say "Hey, your hair's changed!" but no. If you had, I would havetorn up this letter and said: "Let's go to your place. I'll make you a nice dinner. And afterwards we can go to bed and cuddle." But you're about as sensitive as a steel plate. Goodbye.
This is so me...PS. Please don't talk to me next time we meet
"Let me just tell you this, Watanabe," said Midori, pressing her cheek against my neck. "I'm a real, live girl, with real, live blood gushing through my veins. You're holding me in your arms and I'm telling you that I love you. I'm ready to do anything you tell me to do. I may be a little bit mad, but I'm a good girl, and honest, and I work hard, I'm kind of cute, I have nice boobs, I'm a good cook, and my father left me a trust fund. I mean, I'm a real bargain, don't you think? If you don't take me, I'll end up going somewhere else."
"I need time," I said. "I need time to think and sort things out, and make some decisions. I'm sorry, but that's all I can say at this point."
"Yeah, but you do love me from the bottom of your heart, right? And you never want to let me go again, right?"
"I said it and I meant it."
Midori pulled away from me with a smile on her face. "OK, I'll wait! I believe in you," she said.
"But when you take me, you take only me. And when you hold me in your arms, you think only about me. Is that clear?"
"I understand exactly."
"I don't care what you do to me, but I don't want you to hurt me. I've had enough hurt already in my life. More than enough. Now I want to be happy."
I never realized that a fictional character could reflect so much to a real person.. more so, myself...
"But I'm so lonely! I want to be with someone! I know I'm doing terrible things to you, making demands and not giving you anything in return, saying whatever pops into my head, dragging you out of your room and forcing you to take me everywhere, but you're the only one I can do stuff like that to! I've never been able to have my own way with anybody, not once in the 20 years I've been alive. My father, my mother, they never paid the slightest attention to me, and my boyfriend, well, he's just not that kind of guy. He gets angry if I try to have my own way. So we end up fighting. You're the only one I can say these things to. And now I'm really, really, really tired and I want to fall asleep listening to someone tell me how much they like me and how pretty I am and stuff. That's all I want. And when I wake up, I'll be full of energy and I'll never make these kinds of selfish demands again. I swear. I'll be a good girl."
To all my friends who knows me, please do read Norwegian Wood. I just want to know if Midori would remind you of myself. Haha. I love her so much, I think she'll be my muse when I decide to design clothes again. That's how special she is to me. Such a fictional character with the vibrance of a real human being. Or may be she's me... Like I always say... I am Midori Kobayashi~