Monday, March 28, 2011

Atreyu turning 7! (and of course, his Birthday Wishlist!)

My two only pictures whenn I was pregnant. I was 8 months preggers 

Words cannot explain my overwhelmed awe with how time flies, marveled with life miracles and just simply grateful beyond comprehension. My Travis Atreyu Dizon, simply known as Atreyu is turning 7! It seemed just yesterday when my lower back pains me because he was such a big infant inside my tummy. I always walked with my hands on my lower back. I can hardly sleep because he seem to scrunch himself to my ribcage inside me. I always wake-up feeling beaten up. Man, Atreyu! You were literally a great power inside me during those times. You came into my life so unexpectedly and brought out the strength in me that I never knew I had. You really turned my world upside-down. I still feel humbly amazed as how I cannot figure out how to go and raise myself when in fact I was raising you all along. 

Travis Atreyu Dizon at less than 1 week old... Cute! Cute! Cute!
I cannot be anymore thankful with Atreyu as an infant. He sleeps soundly and so peaceful. He rarely cried and barely gave me a hard time and sleepless nights. He just slept so soundly as long as he feels my presence. He still is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen in my life. I cannot even believe he's mine. With those light pinkish skin and chinky eyes haha everybody thought he's Chinese! Cute little siopao!

Atreyu, Summer 2005 
U.P. Sunken Garden, June 2005
Compared to other kids, Atreyu has been through a lot, we have been through a lot. Going back to college with a 1 1/2 year old baby in a baby carrier seemed like a surreal reality for an innocent child to go through. As heartbreaking as it may be, Atreyu learned early on to grow up. Became a little independent, dressing-up, eating by himself, not to wear diapers... I remember how hard it was to enter him into U.P.'s Kalinga Daycare Center... at barely two years old! He even barely talked then and hasn't started to walk yet! The waitlist was upto 6 months in waiting. But everything was worth it. I remember his love for books and he learned a great sense of zeal with music and arts. I have always been grateful for his teachers there for teaching and loving Atreyu. I believe Atreyu blossomed into a real bright child with their guidance, while I struggle my way to continuing college. 

Atreyu as "The Little Prince", Costume Day at Kalinga Daycare Center, October 2007 
Atreyu at Valentine's Day 2008, he made that artwork for me
Birthday Parties and celebrations never meant as much now that Atreyu came into existence. I now realized why birthdays has to be celebrated... It's a milestone for every parent to survive and accomplish raising a human being... It is indeed a call for gratefulness and a celebration. I remember Atreyu always hoping he could celebrate his birthday... as he used to say it: "Mommy, malapit na ba akong mag-'Happy-Birthday-Party'?" ("Mommy, is my 'Happy-Birthday-Party' already near?"; calling birthday as "Happy-Birthday-Party" ) My heart breaks in frustration when I cannot even afford to given him a celebration then. It was during his 2nd bday that I was so damn broke since I was just a continuing student, I can barely make-shift my daily school allowance into buying him diapers and his baby stuff. Reminiscing it breaks my heart. When you get to have your own child, you'll want to give the world to them. You'd want to give them the best toys, best clothes best things they may have. 

And it wasn't and still it isn't a walk in the park to make-shift everything. Atreyu has humbly grew up with old-hand-me-downs from my brothers, I taught him to appreciate simple things and used his imagination with his toys. As I am proud of him to seemingly grow up a happy and bight child, of course I still wish I could enter him to a good school like Ateneo or La Salle. I wish I could afford to send him to efficient school tutors. Enroll him to art classes music schools and even sports stuff

My favorite grocery buddy
As he turns seven this year, I am so thankful and proud of him... for growing up with much zeal with the world. He's still my baby, who unconsciously grabs my armpit and scrunch himself to me until I merely fall down the bed. But he has also grown-up so much that he seems to be my little dad more often than not... how he constantly remind me not to smoke, how he tells me I don't have to wear too much make-up because I'm beautiful as I am. Sometimes I forget the emptiness and void in me as a young single-mom and single gal coz sometimes he even stands in as my little knight and shining armor and life-companion. One of the most endearing things he do is call me his "Sweetie Pie", he's like my little boyfriend so protective of me and when he see me cry, he leaves everything and anything he does to hug me so tightly.

Two days until he's birthday, and this year it will be special. He will finally get the "Happy-Birthday-Party" he wanted to have ever since he was 3 years old. Please come and celebrate with us! 

Atreyu's 7th Birthday Party Celebration

Date: April 2, 2011
Time: 5:00 - 6:30 pm
Venue: McDonald's, Katipunan Road, Loyola Heights, Quezon City
Theme: Please come as "animated" as possible (Atreyu's special request) the party's theme is Disney's Toy Story

Okay of course Atreyu would want to make a roste of his annual wishlist of course... He has been bugging me for weeks now but I haven't found to post it yet. Some of these things are grandiose but I am just following orders from the incoming 7 year-old-boy! Haha!

1. Speed Stacks
He is actually very good at this game of some sort, he just uses the plastic disposable cups though. He said he wanted this since he was 4...

2. Plants vs Zombies Toys!!

Atreyu is just an uber expert with Plants vs Zombies, I think he's turning into a PvsZ addict.... but he really loves those plants. I dunno why. But they're cute though.

3. PingPong Racket with Stringed Ball

Please forgive this very random photo, I cannot find what he means about that    PingPong Racket and Ball, he said it's closest to what he wants.

4. Hawaiian Punch Lunch Box

He always sees this in Rustan's Department Store. And he intends to bring it along going out. He say's it's his blue briefcase.

5. Toy Binocular
He's gonna use it for his adventures he says haha

6. View Master

7. Tamagotchi (which he insists on saying it's not Tamagotchi, it's Tamagatchi)
He always watch this on Cartoon Network... he even says he has a crush on the girl cartoon character. This is such a blast from the past! Haha! I remember in highschool this was such a fad. I didn't know it is making a comeback? Okay haha. I'm learning so much from kids' pop culture nowadays

May be because he can't have a pet cat he wants to have this instead?

8. Sweet-tooth Addiction 

Okay Atreyu is watching me closely now to choose the specific photos of the candies he wants to have. This is a sugar rush for him haha. I am even amazed how he discovers these candies, I wonder if he takes a trip to the grocery without me knowing. Anws here it goes...

I told Atreyu no one would be able to get this for him but he still wants to put it on.
Okay I'm just following orders

Actually, Atreyu and I fights over this haha. It is my guilty pleasure, but Atreyu seems to sneak up on my chocolates and now he wants to have his own so he won't sneak up on mine. Haha. 

I really had a hardtime looking for this photo because I don't know what's it called, I think Atreyu saw this at the grocery and got attracted to the cute wrapper. May be. Anws, It's called Fujiya Peko Pop Lollipop aparently.

For sure he loves this candy so much. It is the first thing he got worried about
during the March 11, 2011 Japan Earthquake 

Choco Baby

Seems to me he likes Japanese Candies haha may be because of the cute wrapper. I dunno haha.

He just likes colors doesn't he?
Atreyu says: "If you can find this big package, you may get me the small one. "
9. Atreyu the Bookworm
Even though Atreyu is a novice reader. He likes books very much. He likes me to read them to him! haha... He posed for this photo just to show what he wanted for his bday. He's saying Yo-Gabo-Gabo (?) I dunno which one of these three is that.

Atreyu showing off his book list.
  10. That "Magic Pencil Case"
Since his pencil case was all beaten up now, he wants to get a new "Magic Pencil Case" he says everyone in his class has that. 

"The Magic Pencil Case" haha
11. Crayons and Art Materials

Atreyu has never-ending personal art projects he makes when he gets bored. He uses my sorta-not-for-kid-sketching materials to my dismay. Please instead of small-pieced toys that he may eventually lose, please give him educational and crafty stuff instead. (Mom's personal plea haha)

12. Remote Control Robot

Okay honestly this has no more space in his toy box. But he said to put it on the list.
Okay! I guess You have an idea what he would want to have for his bday! I have been writing this blog for 5 hours now! I hope you all could come and please come animated! He'll love that! Please RSVP me when you are coming! Thanks peeps it would mean alot to us to celebrate Atreyu's 7th birthday! 


13. Baseball Bat Toy

 14. I-PAD!! Yes Atreyu wants this even more than me. And he really hopes he gets this?!? Come on!! hahaha

15. Soccer Ball

Thursday, March 17, 2011

"Dear Earth, before you might decide to come to an end, please let me take myself around the world, please??" - @TAKAOMI via Twitter 22 Feb 2011

I remember this tweet of a friend of mine during the Christchurch, New Zealand Earthquake. It was actually his version of my original tweet:
"Dear Earth, before you might decide to come to an end, please let me go back to Japan, please?? Love, Tracy"
- from  @tracydizon , February 22, 2011 
Lately, I have been dreaming weird immigration stuff. Last night I dreamt I was in a long waiting line in China Immigration. Why?!  Why on earth would I be in line in China?? 

The other night I dreamt I was watching a parade in Indonesia and eating some nice looking pink rice cakes. What have I've been dreaming lately?! All related to travelling. 

Well, since my psychology class back in college, I've always believe in subliminal meaning of dreams. Everytime I dream of something, it reflects my subconscious mind's thoughts.  So I always check Dream Dictionaries for reference... and to my surprise the definitions seems sensible. 

So for entertainment, posterity and curiosity let's see what my recent dreams means. Please see the preceding blog post for the dream dictionary definitions. Haha. It is blog worthy to read one separate entry. Talk about multi-tasking I'm writing two blogs simultaneously. Haha. 

Anws, I got inspired from Taka's tweet that's why I made it into my blog title. Seriously, when I think of doomsday, I feel sad that I won't get to go back to Japan. (So please Dear Mother Earth, please don't wipe out Japan from the face of the Earth... okay?? I will be very sad. Haha. ) And of course if doomsday comes soon, I wouldn't see the world anymore! I promised Atreyu we'll see the world together and show him all those stories I tell him every night. That's why  I told myself I'll write about my bucket list of the places I want to go to around the world... In case I get to have my last wish... I'll just hand this list over. (and of course I get derailed from my short anecdotes. Haha. Sorry about that.)

When I was a child, my parents being a travel agent... I remember having this wall-size map of the world by our dining room. I think that's why I had a fascination about travelling and locating places, it's because of that map. I always look at it an pick the countries in pink. Haha! Oh I miss that World Map Wall we used to have. 

I told myself when I get a place of my own, I'll have a world map wallpaper. That would be so cool and I would mark every travel destinations I have been to. I wanna travel the world!! I want to have something like this:

I want to have a World Map Wall Paper
But you know I have only come to do that in my crowded small apartment... In a poorly version of a map, it's not even a world map but hey it's the Tokyo Map I used to use. For sometime it makes me smile every morning I see it. 
Twitpic November 29, 2009 Changing my New York Apartment to a Tokyo Pad
Haha. How poorly and messy this wall is. But I loved looking at it. Although I removed it now, I still love seeing that Tokyo Map lying around my messy apartment.

Anws, enough of those small anecdotes and I'll now list my Bucket-list of Travel Destinations I want to go to before the doomsday. Haha. Please let me travel the world. I wonder how long will this blog will be... I bet it's gonna be a very long one...

Tracy's Travel Dream Definitions

From my previous blog entry:

"Lately, I have been dreaming weird immigration stuff. Last night I dreamt I was in a long waiting line in China Immigration. Why?! Haha. Why on earth would I be in line in China?? Haha.
The other night I dreamt I was watching a parade in Indonesia and eating some nice looking pink rice cakes. What have I've been dreaming lately?! Haha! All related to travelling. "
Well, of course this got me curious and searched for the subliminal meaning of the symbolisms in my dreams and see the UNCANNY significance of everything:

To see a line in your dream, symbolizes duality, limits, boundaries and rules. It also relates to movement or non-movement. To dream that you are crossing a line, suggests that you are overstepping your boundaries or that you are moving beyond the limits in some area of your life.
To see a line of people or objects, indicates that you need to be more aware of some situation or relationship.

To dream that you are standing in line, represents your need for patience. You need to learn to wait for something and not always have it right away. 

To dream that you are watching a parade, indicates that you are being sidetracked or distracted from achieving your goals. You may even be purposely preventing yourself from pursuing your goals and desires because you fear that you will fail. Alternatively, the parade symbolizes cycles, passage of time, or a special event in your life. Consider also the symbolism of whatever figures/animals/floats are in the parade. They may reflect a need for you to incorporate these attributes into your own character.
To dream that you are in a parade, indicates that you are going along with the masses and with what everybody else wants. Alternatively, the dream indicates that you have a set path in life and know which direction you want to go.

If you dislike the color pink, then it may stem from issues of dependency or problems with your parents.  
RiceTo see grains of rice in your dream, symbolize success, prosperity, luck, fertility and warm friendships. To dream that you are eating rice, denotes happiness and tranquility in the home.To dream that you are cooking rice, signifies the new responsibilities that will bring you much joy.

To see a partially eaten cake in your dream, signifies missed and lost opportunities.
To dream that you are buying a cake, suggests that you have accepted the rewards and recognition your are getting for our work.  You are learning to be comfortable in the spotlight. 
Haha! Damn?! I didn't realize this would sound like a voice of my conscience hahaha! Especially that damn line definition haha! Yeah okay I need to be patient. But hey you know, it is not easy to be patient, okay? Especially when evrything now seems like doomsday! Noooooo! I don't want to die yet! Haha. This is me freaking out again. Haha.

And yes. I have been distracted by things that I cannot seem to work on things I have to do. Atreyu's exams have been a burden in my mind. I cannot seem to multitask now. I'm getting old. I cannot concentrate on two mental matters all at the same time. For the record, I loathe being Atreyu's Tutor. I am sorry my dear son, I love you and all but I really do think you should learn things on your own, spoon feeding you would not help you learn anything. I feel so bad I am saying this but to learn to be independent is the greatest lesson I could ever teach you. Haha. Okay sorry I am mumbling.

Haha. Okay fine. I shall listen to my subconsious. Go on Tracy tell yourself that, your bipolar, stubborn self. Haha.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Earthquake in Japan: Let's Pray for Japan!

I painstakingly watched this live on NHK World as the tsunami
wipes out everything it passes through. Painful.
March 11, 2011...   A typical Friday for me and my son. I remember having lunch with him then taking a nap after lunch. We've been chillin since we were going out that night. The next thing I know, as I wake up from my 40-minute nap... I read on twitter: "Japan Earthquake" has been flooding my news-feed. Although I always see those tweets once in a while. It seemed severe this time. And I switched the channel to NHK World and saw the Breaking News. I surfed around the news channels of CNN, BBC, Fox News, Al Jazeera and other channels... This looks serious I thought to myself.

Me and my Kawaii Sistas
Atreyu and Mommy Tracy looking so Japanese haha

I think I was a Japanese in my past life. haha. Japanese stuff has been around me since my childhood and I don't have direct intent to have one. I remember my first childhood bestfriend is a half-Japanese girl, I portrayed a Japanese girl in my highschool Asian History Class, my muse and Project Runway Model Aika is half-Japanese, I represented Philippines to Japan in an unexpected opportunity and not to mention my siblings and I often gets mistaken as Japanese here and even abroad haha. I feel so affected by this sad unfortunate calamity. 

Atreyu so worried that all Milkies are
affected by the Earthquake. 
As my son and I watch the videos of collapsing office space and grocery aisles. Atreyu, my son, got ever so worried that all Milky's in Japan gets wipes out. He's such a Milky fan. He merely cried seeing the grocery stores gets ransacked by the earthquake.As funny and as petty as it sounds, he was really affected by it. He's so cute. 
Well, as we all know the Sendai Earthquake (and Tsunami) is even worse than that. It really looks so devastating and it pains me to see the destruction and the damage it made. It's really heartbreaking to see houses getting wiped out... Families getting separated, struggling for your life and struggling to find your loved one and surviving the cold winter. It's a painful tragedy Japan has come to face with. 

Typhoon Ondoy 2009
Hits Manila
Katipunan Road sunk in flood
Sad thing about it, as an un-harmed by-stander... is that feeling of "Uselessness" as my Japanese friend and I talk about it that sad night of the 11th of March. Inasmuch that we all want to help and reach-out, and they really do need all the help they can get especially in those areas wiped out by the Tsunami... It reminded me of that depressing feeling during the Typhoon Ondoy tragedy back in 2009 here in Metro Manila... As I learn a number of my friends suffered gravely from the flood, I cannot do anything much as I want to. It is a humbling feeling though I got to realize that life can easily be taken away in just a span of a short nap, no matter how technologically advanced and no amount of money in the world can save us... if it's out time, it is our time. We have to bespiritually prepared all the time. Easier said than done.

Japan's situation didn't stop from that daunting afternoon of the 11th. Everyday seemed worse with the aftershocks, Nuclear Plant Explosion and the winter weather lambasting the poor survivors of the tsunami. Despite this what is admirable about this nation is their unity and focus. You don't get to see them panic over matters and just try to solve what is needed to be solved. Imagine from a severe Magnitude of 8.8 has been upgraded to Magnitude 9.0. For the record, it has reached the world record of the 5 worst earthquakes in history. But you wouldn't see them fight over who's fault is it or play on the blame game... Everybody is just focused on getting by and helping each other out. 

Let's pray for JAPAN y'all!! 
I've always believed in the saying "God doesn't give us more than we could handle" and with that thought in mind... I pray for the Japanese people that they will get by this. I have faith they can surpass this. Of course with the help of our love, concern and prayers... nothing is impossible. 

But of course, there are other means to reach out to the Japan Earthquake and Tsunami victims everywhere in the world. You can easily donate to the American Red Cross  and Philippine Red Cross. I am glad the Philippines has accessible means to send off our donations to the Sendai Earthquake and Tsunami victims at the convenience and reliable means of mobile services... 
"To donate, please text: RED<space>AMOUNT to 2899, or DONATE<space>AMOUNT<space>4-digit M-PIN<space>REDCROSS to 2882 for Globe subscribers; and RED<space>ON to 4143 for Smart subscribers."
So there's no excuse for us Filipinos not to help out and reach out... It's just as easy as sending an SMS. Please don't be naive and apathetic.

Moreover, as I am talking about helping and reaching out to the Sendai Earthquake and Tsunami victim, it is also noteworthy to shout out Lady Gaga's noble effort to use her popularity to help Japan. She has successfully raised $250,000 in a span of 48 hours by selling baller bands. I want to get myself one too... it looks nice too!  

Lady Gaga Earthquake Relief  Wristband 
Only for $5.00 all proceeds go to Japan Tsunami relief

I wonder what the next coming days would bring to Japan and even to neighboring Pacific Ring of Fire Islands... like the Philippines. Last night there was an earthquake Magnitude 6.0 in Shizuoka, Japan... nearby Mt. Fuji...It is as quote, "maybe less spectacular than the March 11 quake, but can be very damaging as it occurred below land."   But what got my attention is that it involved plate-boundary earthquake that is brought about by the movement of the Philippine Seaplate. Got me a little scared that we may be next in line. Well, let's hope not. But we never know!

Geesh what's going on in the world?? Makes you wonder, right?

Friday, March 11, 2011

Here Comes the Bride

Austin Scalett's Rock and Roll Wedding Gown for Project Runway Season 1
I love this Punk-Ass Wedding Gown 10 years ago haha

If you would have met me 10 years ago, designing for weddings is not really my cup of tea and will never take an interest for me. I just wanted to be a streetwear designer and to make avant-garde stuff. I had my hey days, nowadays inasmuch that I want to make something out-of-the-box I think my aesthetic became softer and quirkier. Not sure if that's more sellable though.

Since the wedding industry is the most promising direction for Filipino Fashion Designers. I have come to succumb that I also have to adjust to what the industry needs. So hence, I work with Veejay and other young designers to have a feel of which. 

Being a girl... it's kinda painful though. To make fairytales when I myself don't know how that feels. This can be a problem to every girl designer. The frustrations of being loved or the struggle of choosing one's career over settling down. Reminds me of Coco Chanel. Haha.

Being an artist, I always want to believe in what I make. It would be hard to make such design if I doubt True-Love and happily ever afters... But I have to try.

December Wedding Couple: Yong and Irish Revisa
Such warm couple to have drinks with! haha! 
I'm in a point now that I'm starting to believe in such things again. May be because I felt it among the wedding couples I have worked for in the past few months. Thea and Jus, Chat and Kendz, Irish and Yong are few among the couples I have felt love gradiate from with in. With their love so fresh and promising for even better future up-ahead, I learned to believe anything could be possible. Everybody deserves to be loved and I think it even feels good to shout it out loud to the world. It is really a worthy celebration indeed after all... It is not easy to find love everyday... or even the right person to love... or the right person you will love you. It is really amazing, to find someone that will not bore you for the rest of your life. Wow. I am so perplexed on its mystery! 

Thea & Jus
My love confidants & Makati Buddies 
During the time of their wedding, even after their wedding I feel very lucky to have shared friendship with them. I don't mind being the third wheel at at! Haha! Every couple I meet is unique and everyone haas this sense of special bonding that makes each lovely and makes you want to find your counterpart as well.  Yong and Irish, are great love advisers and Irish I enjoy talking to because she knows how it is to be an independent woman, she always tells me. We always enjoy having some drinks and FOOOOOD TRIP in Mogwai's in CubaoX, they're such fun couple to be with.

Thea and Jus, are also special in my heart. I enjoy Makati now more than ever since I can always hit them up for lovely dinner and just chitchatting the night away. Great love confidants and advisers! Everytime I have a kilig moment I encounter I always tell Thea about it... and for sure she tells Jus haha.  

"Rockstars cleverly disguised as a Lawyers."
And of course, Chatz and Kendz are my rockin' Rockstar Couple! They're both fierce and bad ass kicking lawyers with serious jobs. But they know how it is to have fun! They're as Candy says: "A Rockstar cleverly disguised as a Lawyer." They thought me that even bad-ass kicking Rockstar can fall in love. Haha! Of course they can! 

Having said so much about weddings, I just want to post my favorite wedding design. It was supposed to be my entry for a contest. It's very personal for me to have designed I even got a write-up made about it haha. It's a bit vintage looking but I was actually inspired from avant-garde designers: Yohji Yamamoto and Vivienne Westwood.  If you don't see it haha so sorry. Haha. 

The write-up goes something like this...

One of my most personal and favorite designs. Hehe.
I got inspired by Yohji Yamamoto and Vivienne Westwood
"Here Comes the Bride"

Coming from a very personal reflection and manifestation of the designer’s inner life desire comes “Here comes the Bride”. In every girl’s future embeds the dream of becoming a beautiful bride. It is in every girl’s storybook fairytale ending. Growing up, not all girls turn out to be so, but deep in every grown woman’s heart remains the desire to become one. As old-fashioned as it may seem, as we steer for the future, the designer believes that every woman would still retrograde to this nostalgic and romantic notion. Just like in the past, our present times and in the coming future, everybody… would still desire to be loved.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Imortal Days

I had a short but extremely painful stint as a Costume Designer in ABS-CBN's Fantaserye: "Imortal". The only word I could remember is that it was painful... painful time-wise, painful delayed salary, painful work colleagues who feeds on bringing other people down and lives by generating issues among each other. Painful... I gave up lots of important things for me just to commit to this project... I was supposed to go to Tokyo last year with my good friend Happy Andrada. But I failed to join her because, 1) I'm in the middle of work, shooting non-stop and barely even getting any sleep and 2) I've been working non-stop but my salary is delayed for a freakin ONE-MONTH!!
I started to feel extreme exhaustion, depression and loneliness. I don't deserve to be treated so demoralizing. Imagine, Production Managers, Producers curse you in the middle of everyone. How demoralizing is that. Oh thank God, I bailed out. It is not worth my time, giving up so much and making me feel I am incompetent... Having a job is important I know, but having self-respect is more important than money or the prestige. 

The only thing I could say nice about this TV series project is Angel Locsin is really such an ANGEL! She's really nice and down to earth.... The other actors and actresses as well... It has been a dream to me to work with John Lloyd Cruz and now I did! How amazing is that?

I really didn't contribute much of what I can say my own to this show. I only worked for 2 months but I can say it is not good. The creative freedom is limiting. I was only proud I got to design the Special Lobo Force Uniforms which they eventually replaced as I left the show. But HEY... I think they looked so good and firece with the costume I designed, not some cheap poorly-shopped-surplus quality uniform they're wearing now. Oh man, good riddance!

Before I left, I made sure they'll be established be seen wearing this uniforms. I felt fulfilled, seeing them materialize.


I am Midori Kobayashi.

My most favorite Haruki Murakami Book.
I never cried as much tears reading another book.
Apparently, I think I've set my fix on reading Murakami Novel just to get my mind off my holiday heartbreak... If I should call it "heartbreak" even. I think I broke my records for reading books, and read three Murakami books in a span of 2 weeks. It really does take me forever to read books, I even get bored with them, I don't finish them anymore. But Murakami helped me get-over some stupid mind-fuck I was dealing with. Haha. Thanks to you, Mr.Author.

I mentioned in my past blog entry I am so gonna look for Norwegian Wood even if I had to scour all the ends of Metro Manila. And yeah I did... It was even the last copy and I had to go to Eastwood just to get my reserved copy. Well, it was worth it. I think I never leave home with it... I never get to read it nowadays since I am so addicted to my BB. But I feel so close to my copy of this novel haha... I never wanna be away from it! Haha. Silly me. 

I remember I was reading this during the Valentine's Season. It got me all sad really. I was particularly struck by this girl character, Midori Kobayashi... She's not even the muse of this novel, but I really noticed her. Just from the first time she was introduced in the succeeding chapters of the novel... Her persona seemed so familiar to me. Haha. May be because she reminds me of myself. Her friendly and warm character filled with optimism gives this super sad novel the spunk and the sunshine through it all. Haha. Independent girls rock! 

It's sad but true though, happy, cheerful people as happy as they are usually has the biggest heartaches and problems anyone can handle. They're often taken for granted... Often overlooked and forgotten. In as much that they have the biggest heart to love, they are, more often than not, being chosen over the "Damsel in Distress" kind of girls.

I cried to my sleep reading some lines from the novel. I think it really struck a soft spot for me, to feel as vulnerable and as neglected as Midori. But despite being overlooked, taken for granted and being chosen over that troubled girl Naoko... She has still the biggest heart and seem to have a promising future over this novel. 

It got a little weird towards the ending of the story... Some stuff I really find off. But, it was nice towards the end, the last page to be exact, Toru realized Midori is the one for her. But of course being a Murakami Novel, it wouldn't have a happy-sunshine ending entirely. 

As I am such an enthusiast of novels, films, history and anything that entails life-stories. I have never encountered such character so similar to myself. It is like seeing myself in a book. How Midori was neglected by her family, how she earned the things she wanted in her life, how she wants to be loved without sharing with another girl, how she's curious with how often guys wank. Haha. It's so funny... even those little things we're so alike!

Thanks to Midori, I had a glimpse... a bird's eye view of how I seem. It somehow opened my eyes how special I am to have all that love, more than my heart can handle. Not everyone is gifted with the ability to love so passionately, and I'm glad I can. With having so little love growing up, I never realized I have thought myself to give out so much.    

And of course, for posterity's sake and because I love Midori so much... I'll toss in some of my most favorite excerpts from Norwegian Wood... of course with Midori's most moving lines....  

Midori Kobayashi's sad letter to Toru Watanabe that made me cry to sleep... 
We walked to the subway station and went off in different directions. As she left, Midori stuffed the piece of paper, now folded in four, into my pocket. "Read this when you get home," she said. I read it on the train.

I'm writing this letter to you while you're off buying drinks. This is the first time in my life I've ever written a letter to somebody sitting next to me on a bench, but I feel it's the only way I can get through to you. I mean, you're hardly listening to anything I say. Am I right?

Do you realize you did something terrible to me today? You never even noticed that my hairstyle had changed, did you? I've been working on it forever, trying to grow it out, and finally, at the end of  last week, I managed to get it into a style you could actually call girlish, but you never even noticed. It was looking pretty good, so I thought I'd give you a little shock when you saw me for the first time after so long, but it didn't even register with you. Don't you think that's awful? I bet you can't even remember what I was wearing today. Hey, I'm a girl! So what if you've got something on your mind? You can spare me one decent look! All you had to say was "Cute hair", and I would have been able to forgive you for being sunk in a million thoughts, but no! Which is why I'm going to tell you a lie. It's not true that I have to meet my sister at the Ginza. I was planning to spend the night at your place. I even brought my pyjamas with me. It's true. I've got my pyjamas and a toothbrush in my bag. I'm such an idiot! I mean, you never even invited me over to see your new place. Oh well, what the hell, you obviously want to be alone, so I'll leave you alone. Go ahead and think away to your heart's content! But don't get me wrong. I'm not totally mad at you. I'm just sad. You were so nice to me when I was having my problems, but now that you're having yours, it seems there's not a thing I can do for you. You're all locked up in that little world of yours, and when I try knocking on the door, you just sort of look up for a second and go right back inside.
So now I see you coming back with our drinks - walking and thinking. I was hoping you'd trip, but you didn't. Now you're sitting next to me drinking your Coke. I was holding out one last hope that you'd notice and say  "Hey, your hair's changed!" but no. If you had, I would have
torn up this letter and said: "Let's go to your place. I'll make you a nice dinner. And afterwards we can go to bed and cuddle." But you're about as sensitive as a steel plate. Goodbye.
PS. Please don't talk to me next time we meet
This is so me... 
 "Let me just tell you this, Watanabe," said Midori, pressing her cheek against my neck. "I'm a real, live girl, with real, live blood gushing through my veins. You're holding me in your arms and I'm telling you that I love you. I'm ready to do anything you tell me to do. I may be a little bit mad, but I'm a good girl, and honest, and I work hard, I'm kind of cute, I have nice boobs, I'm a good cook, and my father left me a trust fund. I mean, I'm a real bargain, don't you think? If you don't take me, I'll end up going somewhere else."
"I need time," I said. "I need time to think and sort things out, and make some decisions. I'm sorry, but that's all I can say at this point."
"Yeah, but you  do love me from the bottom of your heart, right? And you never want to let me go again, right?"
"I said it and I meant it."
Midori pulled away from me with a smile on her face. "OK, I'll wait! I believe in you," she said. 
"But when you take me, you take only me. And when you hold me in your arms, you think only about me. Is that clear?" 
"I understand exactly."
"I don't care what you do to me, but I don't want you to hurt me. I've had enough hurt already in my life. More than enough. Now I want to be happy."
I never realized that a fictional character could reflect so much to a real person.. more so, myself...
"But I'm so lonely! I want to be with someone! I know I'm doing terrible things to you, making demands and not giving you anything in return, saying whatever pops into my head, dragging you out of your room and forcing you to take me everywhere, but you're the only one I can do stuff like that to! I've never been able to have my own way with anybody, not once in the 20 years I've been alive. My father, my mother, they never paid the slightest attention to me, and my boyfriend, well, he's just not that kind of guy. He gets angry if I try to have my own way. So we end up fighting. You're the only one I can say these things to. And now I'm really, really, really tired and I want to fall asleep listening to someone tell me how much they like me and how pretty I am and stuff. That's all I want. And when I wake up, I'll be full of energy and I'll never make these kinds of selfish demands again. I swear. I'll be a good girl."
To all my friends who knows me, please do read Norwegian Wood. I just want to know if Midori would remind you of myself. Haha. I love her so much, I think she'll be my muse when I decide to design clothes again. That's how special she is to me. Such a fictional character with the vibrance of a real human being. Or may be she's me... Like I always say... I am Midori Kobayashi~