|The best book about hope, love, dreams and life.|
Yellow, a caterpillar found it hard to believe that there was a butterfly inside the gray, fuzzy caterpillar so she asked,
“How does one become a butterfly?”
“You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”
“You mean, to die?”
“Yes and no. What looks like you, will die, but what’s really you, will still live. Life is changed, not taken away.”
- Hope for the Flowers by Trina Paulus
Nowadays, life hasn't been kind to me. It's a black hole spiraling down to depression and manic behavior. I have no public interest to wash my dirty laundries out in the public especially some people are out to get me. I'm not paranoid, I'm just exaggerating for for dramatic purposes haha. But seriously, I'm perfectly aware how I am measured by cruel people and get pleasure to see me fail. I am not naive but I am not a slave to public perception either.
I just want to exhale. Or better yet... explode.
I am desperately seeking sanctuary and I know I have to face this on my own. I have to face my own demons and defeat them.
Yes I am incoherent and cryptic.
I don't know if this is my cursed book or a great blessing. Hope for the Flowers is my ultimate favorite book. It's an allegory of life for me and how I see life... or so I thought. Ironically, I never had a copy of this book because I ended up giving my copy to an ex of mine. May be sending out this book cursed my relationships? Haha, damn, I don't know.
I always send this book with love, hope and well wishes that I'm not losing hope in love and I have fate that there will be a better time for everyone. Now I'm skeptic in my own beliefs, I always wish this but I never kept my words. I killed all the love I have for all my past... May be out of spite. May be out of survival. But I want to say I'm sorry that I didn't turn out to be their YELLOWs.
I wish I could but I've never felt better that I've moved on from my past.
Or may be I've changed? May be I 'wanted to fly so much that I already gave up being a caterpillar'...? I don't know. But it awfully feels so lonely lingering around and not knowing what to do and where to go. I'm so tired of guiding the wrong "Stripes" one caterpillar to another. I just feel so heartbroken having to give so much and still lingering around.
The book sends a good message of hope. But how long can I still hold on to? Yes, there will always be hope for the flowers... But butterflies don't live forever either... butterflies dies too.