Tuesday, February 03, 2015

My Own "Teenage Dream"


Katy Perry's Teenage Dream will always be a special song in my heart... I used to play it on loop in full blast in my small and simple Samsung Corby cellphone as I take my 1 hour jeep commute on my way to my production house and hat makers. It was a simple life then... I prepare my son on his way to school, take a little nap and start the day with much designs and hands-on work... Go to Divisoria, deliver some designs, I was functional and fulfilled.

I had to listen to it on loop... Over and over again because I have to convince myself. I want to believe... and it did. It made me believe that LOVE can be so powerful you are not afraid to make mistakes, I want to believe in a love that is so brave to jump... Being a person with a heavy past, many mistakes and many disgusting trolls I have to meet... I need to believe that I can still find a love that will make me feel unbroken again. 

That's what you brought into my life, Katy Perry... Hope and Forgiveness... Hope I can fall in love again that I will be carefree... FREE! Love can make you feel free and learn to forgive myself from the dark wounds of my past. Everyone makes mistakes and as long as we are alive, we can make a fresh start.


A simple song, simple and even trivial even... But I hold so deeply in my heart. It let myself believe in a pure love can still come along even for a broken sad heart like mine. I remember I was so heartbroken that I felt a part of myself died... But my being broken still didn't let me down, all my heart's desire I turn on my dreams... I worked hard for my dreams and for my son and they both loved me back... I was able to raise a very good son and I have made of myself from a disowned single mom to a dreamer living my dream job and proving everyone wrong.

But despite that, I still hoped and prayed that someday I can give my son a complete life... A complete family that my big salary can never buy. All I want is a family to complete and accept us.


The song seemed to fit perfectly with how everything was orchestrated... "Before you met me, I was all right. But things were kinda heavy, you brought me to life..." I felt I was living my own love fairytale.


February 2011 ~ It was so lovely to make my own fairytale.
It was a lovely thought that "Every February, You'll be my Valentine." Isn't that nice I won't ever feel sad again or a loser not having a Valentine for the rest of my existence!? I am saved for at least one day of every year. I will always keep this happiness in my heart (at least I will try) that once in my life I had a permanent Valentine.

My Own "Teenage Dream"
Life is not always rainbows, but you brought us rainbows, until things got too real and too painful. That's life. But I'd like to keep and hold on to the last soft spot in my heart until it get totally dark and bitter. All fruits gets rancid when left uneaten. You used to be my teenage dream until I was forced to grow old alone... And you remained retarded. 

I wish I can stay young forever with you... I thought we will be young forever. But may be it was just a fantasy that I made myself believe listening to Teenage Dream in loop over and over again. Life happened, I don't know how to be who I was 5 years ago.

But this I will hold on to my heart until it gets cold and bitter or until the day it stops beating.



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